STICK-EM-UP, MISTER!
After being admitted to hospital with a bullet wound in his leg, 32-year-old Bob Bowling of Kentucky told police who’d been sent to investigate the shooting that he’d had his gun in a holster and it had gone off when he sat down.
But the cops (who hadn’t just come down in the last shower) told embarrassed Bob they didn’t believe him. His guilt eventually got the better of him, and he finally admitted that he was practicing his “quick draw” – against a snowman. And he lost!
When asked what had tipped them off, the cops reckoned they’d received an anonymous description of a second gunman – with coal-black eyes, a pointy orange nose and a bowler hat.
TOURING OZ:
Here are some questions about Australia from potential tourists. They were posted on an Australian tourism website – along with the most-favoured ‘official’ responses:
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not … oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night. Come naked.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia?
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send further directions.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule?
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is … oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go?
A: Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay?
A: What did your last slave die of?
