ONLY IN AMERICA!
This bloke in South Kitsap (Washington) had been working on his car, and needed to remove a wheel. One lug nut was too tight to budge, so he chose an unconventional tool to loosen it: a shotgun. The buck-shot from the round ricocheted, carrying with it chunks of metal from the wheel – and the DIYer was hospitalised with “severe but not life-threatening” injuries from his shins to his chin.
The unidentified 66-year-old “wasn’t intoxicated,” a sheriff’s spokesman said, and didn’t say why he resorted to a shotgun. “I don’t think he was in any condition to say anything,” the spokesman said. “The pain was so severe …”
ALL TIED UP
This string walks into a bar. “Excuse me,” he asks. “Can I please have a drink?”
“Nope” replies the bartender, “We don’t serve strings.”
Upset at the discrimination, the string asks a fellow at the bar to buy him a drink. Upon seeing this, the bartender picks him up and throws him out of the bar.
The string walks over to a curb, rubs himself against it and ties himself in a knot, then walks back into the bar.
“Excuse me,” he asks again. “Can I please have a drink?”
“Hey, aren’t you the string that was just here?” asks the bartender.
“Nope,” came the answer. “I’m a frayed knot …”