SHARK KISS
(August 2006, Florida) A scuba diver was bitten on the lip when he attempted to kiss a nurse shark. The bite was a surprise to the diver, as he had kissed hundreds of sharks. He explained, “You pick ‘em up, rub their belly, scratch ‘em, hug ‘em. Might as well give them a smooch while you’re there!”
Past performance is no guarantee of future results. This shark took exception to his unwanted advances, and bit his lip. To add insult to injury, a school of snapper came in for a few nibbles, too.
Luckily, a patient plastic surgeon was able to repair his mangled lip. “It was a matter of completing the puzzle and putting a hundred little pieces back together again,” Dr, Mike Kelly said.
Has the diver learned his lesson? Apparently not! He simply plans to modify his amorous technique: “Don’t kiss a nurse shark while it’s upside down.”
One reporter remarked, “Better still, don’t kiss them at all!”
LONG DROP FOR OUTHOUSE
Once there was a little boy who lived in the country. They had to use an outside longdrop, and the little boy hated it because it was hot in the summer, cold in the winter and stank all the time. The longdrop was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy determined that one day he would push it into the creek.
One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen, so the little boy decided today was the day to push the longdrop into the creek. So he got a large stick and started pushing. Finally, it toppled into the creek and floated away.
That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after supper. Knowing that meant a spanking, the little boy asked why. The dad replied, “Someone pushed the longdrop into the creek today. It was you, wasn’t it, son?” The boy answered yes.
Then he thought a moment and said, “Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn’t get into trouble because he told the truth.”
The dad replied, “Well, son, George Washington’s father wasn’t in that cherry tree!”
