PUCKER UP!
Earl knocked on the front door, which was answered by Shirley. “Is Bud in?” he asked. Shirley didn’t like Earl, Bud’s friend, so she wasn’t friendly. “Yes, but he’s in the shower. What do you want?” she coldly replied.
Not deterred by her chilliness, Earl said “You know, Shirley,” he said, “I’ve wanted to do something for a long time … I’ve wanted to give you a kiss, and this seems to be a good opportunity. I’ll give you $100 for a kiss on the lips. How about it?” and he pulled out a 100-dollar note and gave it to her.
Somewhat shocked, Shirley replied “I knew you were a loser, Earl, but I didn’t know you were so desperate. Okay, I’ll do it.” She looked up and down the street to see that nobody was looking, and she leaned over and gave Earl a little kiss on his lips.
“Oh, that wasn’t bad,” Earl said. “But here’s another proposition. How about a decent kiss with your arms wrapped around my neck? I’ll pay you $400 this time.”
Not wanting to go through it again – but knowing they could use the money, she reluctantly agreed, “Okay. I’ll do it, but I want the cash first.” Earl handed her four 100-dollar notes, puckered up, and closed his eyes with anticipation. Summoning all her courage, Shirley wrapped her arms around Earl’s neck and planted the best kiss she could muster on his lips.
“Wow, that was great,” Earl told her. “Thanks, Shirley. Tell Bud I dropped by.” With that, he walked away. Tucking the money into her pocket, Shirley walked into the kitchen where she met Bud, who asked her, “Who was that at the door?”
“It was your friend, Earl,” she told him.
“I wish I had answered the door,” Bud said. “That guy owes me $500!”
THE END IS NEAR!
A local priest and pastor stood by the side of the road holding up a sign that said, “The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it’s too late!” They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car.
“Leave us alone, you religious nuts!” yelled the first driver as he sped by.
From around the curve, they heard a big splash.
“Do you think,” said one clergy to the other, “we should just put up a sign that says ‘bridge out’ instead?”
