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Pick of the Bunch

Charming Snakes & Toey Pets
by Chuck Ells

KISS BITES BACK

KEN (A CALIFORNIAN) FOOLISHLY accepted a dare … and kissed a snake. His journey began when he proudly bragged to his friends that he’d captured a deadly young rattlesnake the week before. So, like good mates the world over, they dared him to kiss it.

But when he did, the three-foot rattler bit him on the lower lip and pumped its sac of venom into his face. Within minutes, his head and throat swelled to twice its normal size, and he was rushed to hospital. Once there, emergency nurses pumped vial after vial of antivenin into his bloodstream in a fight to save his life. After three hours of intubation (where a tube is inserted into the windpipe to provide oxygen) and 25 doses of antivenin, Ken was finally out of danger.

The E.R doctor later stated: “In 26 years, this is the worst case I’ve seen. His muscles were quivering like he had worms under his skin.” 

Did you know …?

Young rattlers can be more dangerous than older ones because they release the entire contents of their venom sac, and do not conserve any for subsequent strikes. 


PET PROBLEMS

A single guy who was very lonely decided that life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy something unusual. 

After some discussion, he decided on a centipede, which came in a little white box to use for its house. He took the centipede home, got it settled and then decided he would take his new pet to a restaurant to have dinner. 

So he asked the centipede in the box, “Would you like to go to McDonald’s with me?” But there was no answer. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, “How about going to McDonald’s for dinner?” But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. 

Now a little annoyed, he waited a few minutes more and decided to ask him one more time – this time putting his face up against the centipede’s house and shouting, “Hey, in there! Would you like to go to McDonald’s with me to have dinner?” 

A little voice came from the box: “I heard you the first time! I’m putting on my shoes!”

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