MY WIFE AND I HAVE welcomed far too many pets into our household. Not only were they adopted by us – they all got better food than I get. But there was a time, long ago, when I put my foot down – “Thanks, but no thanks!” – to a tiny, furry, black-and-white orphan.
It was a kitten, just two days old, its eyes still closed, and its ears just bumps. It had been found under a gorse-bush, and obviously needed a home …
“… but SOMEONE ELSE’S home!” I insisted, loudly.
My wife, you see, is a big softy. And I needed to harden my heart. So we compromised: she would feed the kitten for a week – then give it to our daughter, who already housed a small zoo at her place.
We offered to christen the newcomer ‘GORSEBUSH’. And my wife soon had Gorsebush drinking greedily from a medicine-dropper … every two hours … right through the night …
Aarrgghh!
You probably already know this, but very young kittens can’t go to the toilet by themselves. Oh no, they need help. They rely on their mother to stimulate the required activity by licking their miniature kitten hindquarters.
That’s right – LICKING!!!
Which is why you might have heard me protesting: “You’ve gotta be JOKING!” And, if you’d joined us at 2am, you might have found me lying wide-awake, while my wife massaged Gorsebush’s tiny bum with a warm, wet flannel!
“Well, the poor thing might die!” she explained – and, before I knew it, we were rushing Gorsebush to the vet every few days for a tiny kitty enema!
One sleepless week stretched into two. “I hope you aren’t getting attached to this thing,” I warned. But when Gorsebush finally did a poo – and my family celebrated with a chorus of “What-a-clever-wee-boy!” – I knew I was in trouble.
My resolve hadn’t weakened. Although “Another week won’t hurt I guess …”
BUT WAIT! JOHN (GRAPEVINE’S FOUNDER) REPORTS: “WE SOON LEARNED THAT THIS ‘CLEVER-WEE-BOY’ WAS ACTUALLY A GIRL – SO ‘GORSEBUSH’ WAS GIVEN A MORE FEMININE NAME, ‘MITTENS’. AND SHE’S A BIG CAT NOW, STRUTTING LIKE ROYALTY AROUND OUR DAUGHTER’S PLACE, AND RUBBING AGAINST OUR LEGS WHENEVER WE VISIT!”
