TOP 10 WAYS TO LIE TO THE BATHROOM SCALES …
(AND YOURSELF)
- Weigh yourself after dinner with your clothes on … and then again the following morning before breakfast with your clothes off. Because it’s nice to see how much weight you’ve lost overnight.
- Never weigh yourself with wet hair.
- When weighing, remove everything, including glasses. In this case, blurred vision is an asset. Don’t forget the earrings – these things can weigh at least a kilo.
- Use cheap scales only, never the medical kind. Because they’re always a couple of kilos off … to your advantage, of course!
- Always go to the bathroom first.
- Stand with arms raised, making
pressure on the scale lighter. (Waving them is optional but occasionally helps) - As mentioned in #1: Don’t eat or drink in the morning until after you’ve weighed in … completely naked, of course. Just thought you could do with a reminder.
- Weigh yourself after a haircut. This is good for at least a quarter kilo of hair (hopefully).
- Exhale with all your might before stepping onto the scale. (Air has to weigh something, right?)
- Start out with just one foot on the scale, then holding onto the towel rack in front of you, gently edge your other foot on and slowly let go of the rack. Did I mention SLOWLY? Admittedly, this takes time, but it’s worth it. You’ll weigh at least a kilo less than if you’d stepped on normally.
ONLY IN AMERICA:
Smoking a cigarette is risky enough without adding fuel to the fire. For reasons that have yet to be explained, two 24-year-olds (identified as a man and a woman) invaded the property of an oil drilling company located 75 miles east of Dallas. Four oil storage units located on the property seemed, to the trespassers, to be ideal platforms for a 3am cigarette break. In the wee hours of the morning, the dopey duo climbed up and lit up, thereby setting the tank and themselves on fire.
Courageous firefighters saved the lives of these nicotine-nutballs, and prevented worse tragedy by throwing large foam blankets over the remaining three oil tanks. Ms Disaster landed in the hospital on life support, while Mr Disaster was treated for severe burns on face, back, and arms.
Perhaps this episode will motivate them to quit … although, more likely, the next step will be to sue the oil company for not having a ‘NO SMOKING’ sign on top of the tank!
