I LIKE WOMEN. I MEAN, SOME of my best friends are women. My grandmothers were women. My mother was a woman. I’ve got two sisters who are women. And my wife is also a woman. (That’s one of the reasons I married her …) My daughter, my daughters-in-law and my granddaughters-in-law are all women – as are my four granddaughters and my three great-granddaughters!
However, despite the way women seem to populate my life, I’m still not sure what makes them tick. In fact, at the risk of being politically incorrect, the only thing I AM sure about is that men and women couldn’t be more different if they tried!
It’s not rocket-science, surely? The evidence speaks for itself:
- Women have longer torsos and shorter legs, bigger kidneys and smaller lungs, larger thyroids, bulkier pelvic bones, and brains that don’t weigh as much as a bloke’s.
- Women laugh more easily, cry more easily, and will usually lose at arm-wrestling – but they’re a tougher breed when it comes to diseases and infections.
- Women live longer, need more sleep, and are far less likely to jaywalk, pick their noses in public, or plonk their elbows on armrests in planes.
But wait … there’s more:
- When women are depressed, they either eat or buy shoes. When men are depressed, they invade another country.
- Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren’t looking, men kick cats.
- Women don’t sweat, burp, fart or snore – therefore they have to nag, otherwise they would explode.
- And when the alarm goes off in the morning, men wake up looking pretty much the same as they did when they went to bed – whereas women somehow deteriorate during the night.
Oh, one more thing, before I self-destruct:
- Women have the last word in every argument – anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument!
JOHN COONEY, GRAPEVINE’S FOUNDER, ENJOYS BRAGGING ABOUT HIS EVER-EXPANDING FAMILY, AND PLANS TO DIE YOUNG AS LATE AS POSSIBLE.