Whether it’s working with your child’s GP to sort out their chronic sore ears … meeting with teachers to support their learning … pushing for extra assistance for their special needs … or getting to the bottom of a playground dispute … pretty much every parent will have to step up and advocate for their child at some point or another.
Advocating for our child’s needs and collaborating with others to support them through challenges is part of the parenting journey – but doing so effectively requires ‘skillz’ (as the young’uns say!). It involves a lot of careful observation and research … fact-checking and note-taking … effective communication … and often a lot of deep, calming breaths! During all of this, knowing where (and how) to flex and how (and when) to stand firm is essential.
Here are some guidelines to bear in mind the next time you need to ‘step right up’ for your child…
TAKE NOTE
Writing things down is a simple but effective way to keep track of all sorts of things! A family health journal (just a blank spiral-bound notebook with a section for each member of the family) can help you notice a chronic issue you might otherwise dismiss. An email ‘trail’ provides a record of discussions (and action) on recurring challenges with school. And your own lists, observations, and notes will offer you a clearer picture of any subject of concern, which you can then share with professionals or others involved in your child’s growth and care.
GATHER INFORMATION
It can sometimes feel like parenting is a full-time research job! The internet gives us access to an abundance of information on almost every subject under the sun – a fact that can be both helpful and daunting! Not sure where to start? Head to Facebook and search for a group focused on your area of interest or concern. Join a few for a variety of perspectives … read posts and comments … and reflect on what you’ve found.
Do a Google search and see what that offers. Chat with others who have experience and/or expertise in what you’re dealing with. The more informed you are, the better you’ll be able to advocate for your child. This is especially important when dealing with medical issues or other situations involving lots of complicated terms and jargon. The more you understand, the better you’ll be able to communicate your own perspective, sort through options, and make informed decisions.
KEEP PERSPECTIVE
When we’re emotional – when our kids are hurting, or we’re feeling defensive or upset – it can be nearly impossible to keep a sense of perspective. But it’s worth the effort to do so. Losing your cool will not only get in the way of effective communication, but it may even get you relegated to the back of the queue. When you remain calm, you’re in the best position (mentally and emotionally) to process information, make decisions, and articulate your child’s needs.
Effective advocacy requires you to control your own emotions despite your (naturally) heightened feelings around your child’s needs. Pause … give others the benefit of the doubt … and don’t automatically jump into defence mode! Having that internal Mama- or Papa-Bear ready to protect your children is all very well; but when it’s not actually a matter of life-and-death, take a deep breath and calm the wild fighter within.
Being aggressive or defensive will create unnecessary obstacles in sorting things out and achieving a positive outcome for your child.
COMMUNICATE CLEARLY
“Use your words!” – it’s not just a reminder for kids! We don’t all have ‘the gift of the gab’, but we can all learn to communicate more effectively. This involves a combination of the previous steps; take your notes, observations, and research … and calmly present your perspectives, thoughts, and opinions to others involved in your child’s care. Listen to their input carefully (writing things down if it helps you to remember and/or process the information), and discuss.
When it’s your turn to share, try to speak slowly and clearly – because most of us tend to speed up and maybe even increase our volume when talking about something emotional/important, and that can get in the way of effective communication.
BE PERSISTENT
Trust your gut, and if others are dismissing a concern before you feel it’s been properly addressed, don’t give up! If you’re relying on over-stretched public services, busy teachers, or others with heavy workloads, you’ll have to exercise patience – but keep persisting! Follow up … check in … and pursue every possible avenue for solutions. This may be out of your comfort zone if you’re naturally nonconfrontational, but remember, this isn’t about being forceful or unpleasant – it’s simply a calm, steady refusal to have your child’s need ignored or dismissed.
If you won’t keep going – advocating, insisting, requesting (whatever it takes!) – until the issue is resolved, who will?
