SHE’LL BE RIGHT MATE!
After spending a busy evening at the pub, 38 year-old Irish expat, Andrew Short from Victoria, Australia, headed home to take care of some business. In his post-pub wisdom, he decided it was the right time to move his beehive onto the roof of his house. So, donning his bee-suit, he went to work … at midnight.
He noticed some bees on his veil, but carried on working – until he realised they weren’t on the outside: they were on the inside! Startled, Andrew bumped the hive causing all 8000 bees to swarm – with dozens of the little buzzers invading his suit. “I was up the ladder holding the hive, so the job wasn’t done yet,” he stated afterwards. “But when they started stinging, I thought it was best to get back on the ground.”
An ambulance took him to hospital with about 60 stings to his upper body. “A few beers – and a ladder?” young Andrew reflected later. “It’s a bad combination …”
BY HOOK OR BY CROOK
This pirate walks into a bar, and the bartender said, “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible …”
“What do you mean?” asked the pirate. “I feel fine.”
“But what about the wooden leg? You didn’t have that before …”
“Well,” said the pirate, “we were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannon ball. But I’m okay now.”
The bartender replied, “But what about that hook? What happened to your hand?”
The pirate explained, “Well, we were in another battle. I boarded this ship and got into a sword fight, and my hand was cut off. But I got fitted with a hook, and I’m okay now, really.”
“But why are you wearing that eye patch?”
“Well,” said the pirate, “one day when we were at sea, a flock of birds flew over. I looked up, and one of them pooed in my eye.”
“But you couldn’t lose an eye just from bird poo!” said the bartender.
“Well, it was my first day with the hook!”