MY WIFE AND I MET IN Woolworths! She saw a sweet little guy in short shorts and long socks. I saw an angel in stiletto-heels. And we fell head-over-heels!
She wrote me love-notes. I bought her flowers. We talked until the cows came home, kissed until our lips turned blue, and whispered sweet nothings in each other’s ears. She pretended to enjoy elephant jokes and skylarking in my mustard Morris Minor. I pretended to enjoy window-shopping and mowing her father’s lawn.
Like birds of a feather, we were MEANT to be together!
But when we came home from our honeymoon, we discovered who we’d really married …
SHE discovered that little Mr Fun-Guy was also Mr Late-For-Everything, a persistent procrastinator, and an expert at forgetting birthdays.
And he liked eating sausages – gag!
HE discovered that cute Miss Makes-Your-Heart-Melt was also Mrs Anxious-Annie – an over-organised tidiness-freak, with a memory like an elephant plus a tendency to nag.
And she liked eating mushrooms – vomit!
SHE, a skin-flint at heart, discovered that he was hopeless with money. And HE, the life-and-soul of the party, discovered that she needed 16 hours sleep each night, and was too dog-tired to whisper sweet nothings in anyone’s ear.
‘Birds of a feather’? You’re kidding! We were POLES APART – aarrggh!
We didn’t know back then that opposites ATTRACT … that our crazy, colourful differences are one of God’s nicest ideas … that LOVE can survive shocks like this (and has done for thousands of years).
I still struggle to understanding her mood-swings and emotions. And my habit of being a smart-arse still drives her nuts.
But guess what? I’ve come to love mushrooms!
And she serves up the tastiest sausages in town!
JOHN – GRAPEVINE’S FOUNDER & ‘BIG CHEESE’ – STILL CAN’T STAND THE NOISE HIS WIFE MAKES WHEN SHE EATS APPLES IN BED – AND SHE CAN’T STAND THE WAY HE BREATHES OUT-LOUD WHEN THEY’RE WATCHING TV.
