IT SEEMS EVERY PARENTING EXPERT has weighed in on the subject of screentime – but the advice varies from ‘DANGER, DANGER, AVOID AT ALL COSTS!’ to ‘Let it be – our tech-based world is the new reality’. So, what’s a good, concerned parent to do? Well, we’ve got a few different perspectives to consider from those currently parenting in real-time! See what resonates with you!
ANGELA, 43, Mum to three under-fives:
“For our first child, we managed to avoid screens almost entirely. As we’re older parents, our own childhoods were smartphone-free. We’d seen how tricky it was for parents to avoid handing a tablet or phone over to a toddler who expects that distraction … We used to have things like finger-puppets, Play-Doh, Matchbox cars, or toddler crayons in the nappy bag at all times.
“But as our family grew, we did sometimes resort to putting on a kids’ show for our eldest out of pure desperation to get some washing folded or food prepared. And then, of course, the younger two got used to having screens around. Their grandparents don’t help, because they love introducing our eldest to simple games on their iPhones, and even the baby cranes his head to see what’s happening on the screen!
“So for now, our main boundaries are:
- 30 minutes of screen time (usually an episode of Bluey or something similar aimed at preschoolers) for our 4-year-old, when our 1-year-old is napping. (Miss 3 still sometimes naps in the afternoon, but she’ll watch on-and-off while playing in the lounge if she’s up).
- The occasional game on a grandparent’s iPhone, but only for 5 minutes, and only if it’s been pre-approved by us! We see both sets of grandparents regularly, so they know we’re trying to avoid screens.”
DAVE, 38, Dad to two kids in primary school:
“I grew up in a home where the TV was on pretty much from before breakfast until everyone went to bed. It was kind of in the background, though, because we were all busy and in and out with sport, work, and other activities. Mum would time tea so it was ready when the 6 o’clock news came on, which saved us from having to talk at the table (us boys loved that – we were too busy hoovering in the kai, anyway!).
“It was the same in my partner’s family, except that they’d actually turn off the TV at mealtimes. So when we had kids, we had to decide for ourselves how we’d approach screentime.
“This is what we’ve settled on for now:
- TV on in the morning while they’re eating breakfast (we play a kids’ show, and they can all see it from the table). But they’ve got to be dressed, with beds made, before we press ‘play’ while they pour their cereal and eat. The screen goes off after one show, and they head off to brush teeth, etc. It’s quite cute to see them giggling together or hear them humming the theme tune to their favourite show – it’s sort of a bonding thing for them and a quiet start to the day.
- They each have a device for school, so at some point in the afternoon (depending on their schedules), we have to give them some internet time for homework. (Side note – I hate this! We’ve got family safety controls set up, but it’s really hard for them to stay on track and ONLY do schoolwork – so even if they’re not doing anything suss, we don’t want them wasting loads of time online.)
- We don’t have any screens at the table – and no TV on during tea – so we can all chat about our day. My partner read that having dinner together is a key predictor of kids’ success and wellbeing as they grow, so that was enough to convince me!
JEN, 48, Mum to 3 boys in intermediate school and college:
“Screentime, phones, and what kids get up to on the internet have probably been some of the biggest stressors and battles in my parenting journey. I’ve tried to be really cautious about the media my boys consume, and keep conversations going about online safety and responsibility – and yet we’ve still had issues with online bullying (through a messaging app required by school) and exposure to pornography and other disturbing content.
“Of course, we’ve also had the inevitable arguments over what’s an appropriate age for owning a mobile phone and how old they have to be to watch certain popular movies or shows (rated for more mature audiences).
“We’ve settled on the following boundaries:
- No mobile phone or social media until they’re 16 (and I’m ‘friends’ with my eldest son on Insta and Facebook, so I can provide guidance and oversight). YouTube has been an occasional exception.
- No online games with messaging, unless chats can be restricted to between known friends.
- Device-based homework has to be done in the living room (no devices in bedrooms).
- WiFi goes off during mealtimes and an hour before bed (unless they’re working on a specific homework project).
- ‘T.H.I.N.K’ before posting anything online or in chats with friends: screenshots can immortalise a poor choice of words or another unwise use of media, so I encourage them to consider whether they’re meeting the standards of ‘is it True, Helpful, Inspiring, Necessary, and Kind?’.
CAM and LYNLEY, Parents to 4 children ages 6-18:
“There are many reports about the way devices are sucking our kids in and destroying their ability to be creative or social … but for our family, screens have been a lifesaver. Our eldest has found real community and connection through online communities and gaming – whereas at school, she felt totally friendless.
“Now she’s got a bunch of mates who meet up regularly to play Magic: The Gathering at various places around the city. Two of our other children are autistic, and both find screens really regulating; when they’re feeling overwhelmed, they can put on their headphones and dive into their ‘special interests’ online (one’s fascinated by all things scientific and natural disasters, and another’s been teaching himself to build all kinds of medieval contraptions from YouTube).
“For them, screens aren’t something that separates them from the world but a means to participate in it. We’re still wary about what they’re accessing, but we’ve let go of many preconceptions about what’s ‘best’ in terms of the amount of screentime they get. It’s what works for us.”
