• Free Trial
  • Get the Juice
  • Donate Now
Grapevine Magazine
  • Recent Mag
  • Sponsor
  • Library
    • Magazines by Year
    • Articles by Year
    • Articles by Category
  • About Us
    • Meet the Team
    • History
    • FAQs
    • Feedback
  • Contact
  • Book
Select Page
How to be irritated

Home Sweet Home

How to be irritated
by Guy Browning

IRRITANTS ARE A FORM OF LIFE RAGE served in fun-size portions. Often the most irritating things are only irritating because they’re habits. For example, you wouldn’t mind if people did that little flicky movement with their hair once. It’s just that they do it five thousand times every time they speak to you, and they don’t even realise they’re doing it. 

However, pointing out something that irritates you is always a difficult and dangerous thing to do – especially when the person knows exactly what they’re doing, likes doing it, and is not going to stop doing it. This means that whenever they rub their feet together in front of the TV destroying their slippers in the process, you’re going to be irritated that they’re doing it, they’re going to be irritated that you’re irritated, and you’re going to be doubly irritated that they don’t care that you’re irritated. 

The biggest irritations come from the smallest things. Divorce cases often cite mental cruelty as grounds for separation. But what this generally boils down to are a host of small things, such as; leaving the milk out overnight, intrusive positioning of elbow in bed, and wagging of finger in conversation. Some irritants are so small that it seems churlish to mention them. Many a ruby wedding anniversary has been slightly spoiled by Cyril admitting that he found Violet’s way with a fork irritating since the 1920s. 

Irritants aren’t irritating per se. For instance; one day you can like someone a very great deal and find them congenial in every respect. A year later, when you’ve decided you don’t like them, you find everything they say, wear and do, intensely irritating. Familiarity breeds irritation in the same way that armpits breed bacteria. For example; you have to know someone pretty well before you can start finding their habitual towel dropping on the floor irritating. A complete absence of irritants isn’t love, it’s a coma. 

Irritation is a rather handy emotion when there aren’t any really big things to hate. That’s why you can find nice people irritating without any real excuse for disliking them. It is of course possible to irritate yourself. You can acquire things that you hate about yourself, little verbal tics like saying, “Howdedoody!” when you answer the phone. That one can sicken you almost to the point of insanity. 

Some people have a face that’s naturally irritating so they’re already on a bit of sticky wicket the moment you set eyes on them. Likewise having an irritating voice, hair or general manner can be injurious to smooth social interaction. But remember that one person’s irritation is another person’s stimulant. You may find Dave winking at the end of every sentence fantastically annoying, but Dave’s wife married him for it. His first wife, that is.

© GUY BROWNING IS AUTHOR OF ‘NEVER PUSH WHEN IT SAYS PULL’ AND CREATOR OF ‘TORTOISE IN LOVE’ (DVD) – USED BY PERMISSION.

Latest Issue & Articles:
Issue 4 2022

Issue 4 2022

What happened to our daughter

The hidden dangers of modern marijuana
By Tara Couture

Pick of the Bunch

Clever Hamsters & Wedded Frogs
by Phun Hee

You Ain’t Gonna Believe This!

Fun facts that'll blow your mind!
Keepers of the vine

Intimacy

The missing ingredient in your marriage?
Keepers of the vine

The Crispy Bits

Kerosene Memories
by John Cowan

Thought for Food

Porchetta PLUS Lousiana Pumpkin Pie
by Angela Redfern

Sponsor

  • Donate Now
  • Sponsor
  • Free Trial

About

  • Meet the Team
  • History
  • FAQs

Mag Library

  • Recent Mag
  • Magazines by Year
  • Articles By Year
  • Articles by Category

Get the Juice

Sign up to our enewsletter and keep up to date!

Follow Us

  • Follow
Copyright Grapevine Magazine. Privacy Policy | Terms & Conditions. Made with love by Husk & Ampersand Creative.