VERY LONG GEVITY
A bald, wizened-up little man was rocking in a chair on his porch, smiling happily. A passer-by, charmed by his smile, came up to him and said, “I couldn’t help noticing how contented you look. What’s your secret for such a long and happy life?”
“I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day,” he said with a toothless grin. “I drink a case of whisky a week, eat fast-food, and never exercise.”
“No way! So how old are you?”
READY, FIRE, AIM!
A hospital accident-&-emergency room in Oregon, USA, recently called the police, as they’re required to do for all firearms cases. Ethan Bennett, 36, admitted that his wound was self-inflicted – but it was an accident. He’d been trying to shoot a squirrel, he told the police, and before he could pull the trigger on his .22 rifle, the animal ran up his leg. Then he pulled the trigger, and shot himself in the foot.
The squirrel survived, and Bennett drove himself to the hospital. “The squirrel scared him,” an investigator said. Bennett, however, refused to speak with reporters. Probably the smartest thing he could do by then was keep his mouth shut.