GAS LEAK
A family took their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and left her, hoping she would be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathed her, fed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.
She seemed okay, but after a while, she slowly started to tilt sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rushed up to catch her and straighten her up.
Again, she seemed okay, but after a while, she slowly started to tilt over to her other side. The nurses rushed back and once more brought her back upright. This went on all morning. Later, the family arrived to see how the old woman was adjusting to her new home.
“So, Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you alright?”
“It’s pretty nice,” she replied. “Except they won’t let me pass wind.”
OUTHOUSE ADVENTURES:
A young man wanted to invite his girlfriend to their farm, but was embarrassed by the old-fashioned outdoor long drop. He kept bickering with his dad about getting a modern one with indoor plumbing, but the old-timer wouldn’t give in.
Out of sheer desperation, he slipped out one night and, with a huge shove, pushed the entire outhouse down the hill. The solid affair was still intact when it reached the bottom, but he knew it would be too damaged to drag back up.
The next morning at breakfast, his father asked him whether he destroyed the long drop, and, at the same time, reminded him of the story of George Washington and the cherry tree. “Yes, Dad,” sighed the boy. “It was me.”
“I’m glad you’re so honest,” said his father. “And as punishment, you have to start digging the pit for a new one immediately.”
“But Dad,” protested the boy, “when George Washington admitted it was he who cut the tree, his father didn’t punish him!”
“Yes, you’re right,” said his father. “But George’s dad wasn’t in the cherry tree when he cut it down!”
