WASHING A CAT – QUICK & EASY*
- Thoroughly clean the toilet.
- Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.
- Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
- In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lid (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape). CAUTION: Do not get too close to the edge, as his paws will reach out for anything they can find.
- Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a ‘power wash and rinse’ which I have found to be quite effective.
- Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.
- Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid.
- The now-clean cat will shoot out of the toilet and run outside, where he will dry himself.
Sincerely, A DOG OWNER
*Disclaimer: don’t try this at home
10 BEST THINGS TO SAY IF CAUGHT SLEEPING AT YOUR DESK
- “They told me at the Blood Bank this might happen.”
- “This must be the 15-minute powernap they raved about at that time management course you sent me to.”
- “Whew! Guess I left the top off the Twink* bottle. You got here just in time.”
- “I wasn’t sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new business strategy.”
- “I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance.”
- “I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminating against people who practice Eastern mysticism?”
- “Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I’d almost found a solution to that research problem.”
- “Did you ever hear sound coming out of these keyboards when you put your ear real close?”
- “Who put decaf in the wrong pot?”
- Raise your head slowly and say, “… in Jesus’ name, Amen.”
*Ed: For those who didn’t go to school in the 80s and 90s, Twink was a brand of ‘white-out’ correction fluid. The original was solvent-based and was banned in schools because kids would ‘sniff’ it! A common question heard in classrooms back then was, “Can I borrow your Twink, bro?”
