THE WORLD HAS WOKEN UP to the measurable benefits of gratitude. Neuroscientists tell us that practicing thankfulness rewires our brain to experience a greater sense of well-being and positivity … medical doctors share that adopting an ‘attitude of gratitude’ contributes to physical health and longevity … and everyday practitioners of the habit will attest to the profound effects being grateful has on their own experience of life’s ups and downs. So, we’re convinced!
But how do we instil this value in our kids? How do we encourage them to embrace and express gratitude?
1. MAKE IT NOTEWORTHY
Janice Kaplan, author of The Gratitude Project, suggests beginning a practice of gratitude by simply placing a scrap of paper and pen beside your bed and committing to writing down one thing you’re grateful for at the end of each day.
“We got our girls gratitude journals when they started school, and just made it a part of our bedtime routine. When they were learning to write, we’d help a bit – but also, we kept it light, just encouraging them to write down one thing between tooth brushing, pjs, and bedtime story. They’re 10 and 12 now, and those little journals have become a treasure of small, happy memories. And the girls are pretty good about keeping up with the habit, even now that they’re older.” – Lily B., Christchurch
2. MAKE IT ROUTINE
Many faith traditions – including Judaism, Islam, and Christianity – say a blessing before meals and at other points throughout the day – and anyone can observe similar ‘pauses’ to practice gratitude in their daily life.
“We’re not religious, but our family’s kind of created our own ‘grace’ before meals. Anytime we’re together, we just wait before tucking in and say that we’re grateful for the kai to fill our bellies. We also make sure to thank the cook (we take turns making tea).” – Steve H., Auckland
3. MAKE IT PERSONAL
Finding ways to personalise your gratitude practices helps make them meaningful. Some families keep a ‘Gratitude Jar’ in a common area … Everyone adds their own notes over time – from bigger celebrations to simple moments of joy – and it becomes a special record of the year’s highlights that they can share each New Year’s Eve.
“Years ago, we attended a parenting class that suggested incorporating
gratitude into every family meeting. So, when we sit down each Sunday to go over everyone’s schedules and discuss other things, we start by going around the table … We take turns sharing something we’re grateful for about each person in our family, or something they’ve done that we appreciate. I love it, because it’s often the one moment in the week when my teenagers say something positive to each other!” – Tanya O., Wellington
4. MAKE IT PRACTICAL
One way to help embed a sense of gratitude in our kids (and ourselves!) is to take stock of what we have and extend generosity to those who have less. Financial donations are one way to do that, especially if you take time to appreciate the needs you’re trying to alleviate (e.g., donating towards digging a well in a drought-stricken area might make you appreciate more deeply your own access to fresh running water). Another practical way to encourage a sense of gratitude is to volunteer, putting some time and energy towards helping others.
“Serving at the local food bank once a month has given our family a real sense of gratitude for each meal we receive at home. The fact that we’ve got enough to feed ourselves is so easily lost in the busyness of life; we take that for granted when we’re preparing and eating meals for ourselves. But connecting with people in the community who are struggling with food scarcity reminds us that we’ve got a lot to be grateful for. And one of those things is the new connections we’ve made through our volunteering.” – Greg S., Rotorua
5. MAKE IT MEANINGFUL
Many of us grew up writing thank you cards to express our appreciation for presents or other gestures. And that’s a good habit! But to make it a more meaningful practice, it can help to chat with your kids about why they can be grateful … When it comes to gifts, what is it they like about the thing they’ve been given, or about using or playing with it? And even if it’s something they don’t like, how can they derive a sense of gratitude from appreciating the kind thought and the generosity of the giver?
“We try to be a bit more creative about how we get our kids to express gratitude to others. It’s not just about fulfilling a duty – writing the same line in a card, year after year – but about connecting with feelings of gratitude and expressing them in a meaningful way. Sometimes the kids will send a text from our phones to thank their grandparents for a gift … and other times they might draw a picture of them playing with a toy they’ve been given. We also keep an ongoing, always-changing gratitude list on the kitchen blackboard, which everyone in the family adds to regularly. It helps us look for the positive in things and make note of it in our daily lives.” – Jess B., Dunedin
