ADVICE FOR BANK ROBBERS PT1:
According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are “unsophisticated and unprofessional crimes,” committed by young male repeat offenders who apparently don’t know the first thing about their business. This information was included in an article titled “How Not to Rob a Bank,” by Tim Clark, which appeared in the 1987 edition of The Old Farmers Almanac.
Clark reported that despite the widespread use of surveillance cameras, 76% of bank robbers use no disguise, 86% never study the bank before robbing it, and 95% make no long-range plans for concealing the loot. Thus, he offered this advice to would-be bank robbers, along with examples of what can happen if the rules aren’t followed:
Beware of dangerous vegetables. A man in New York tried to hold up a bank with a zucchini. The police captured him at his house, where he showed them his “weapon.”
Approach the right teller. Granted, Clark says, this is harder to plan. One teller in Massachusetts, followed the holdup man out of the bank and down the street until she saw him go into a restaurant. She hailed a passing police car, and the police picked him up. Another teller was given a holdup note by a robber, and her father, who was next in line, wrestled the man to the ground and sat on him until authorities arrived.
Don’t sign your demand note. Demand notes have been written on the back of a subpoena issued in the name of a bank robber in Pittsburgh; on an envelope bearing the name and address of another in Detroit; and in Connecticut, on the back of a withdrawal slip giving the robber’s signature and account number.
Provide your own transportation. It is not clever to borrow the teller’s car, which she carefully described to police. This resulted in the most quickly solved bank robbery in the history of Pittsfield, Mass.
Avoid being fussy. A robber in California gave a teller a note saying,
“I have a gun. Give me all your twenties in this envelope.” The teller said, “All I’ve got is two twenties.” The robber took them and left.
WHERE THERE’S A SMOKE, THERE’S FIRE:
While cruising at around 130 kph on Interstate 80 in California, 25-year-old Robert Quigley apparently didn’t notice the traffic in front of him had stopped. Hitting the brakes too late, he slammed into an SUV and his car burst into flames. Luckily, Quigley escaped uninjured, but soon after he went back to his burning car.
“Yeah I’m not afraid of fire,” he told the Highway Patrol Officer, who noticed Quigley’s eyebrows were singed. “I deal with this kind of stuff all the time.”
And what was so important that Quigley needed to go back to his flaming car? He wanted to lean in to light a cigarette. He was arrested on a charge of drunk driving — his second such charge in a week (KTXL Sacramento) … brings new meaning to “Smoking is hazardous to your health”.