EMERGENCY!
The following call (we’re told) was made to an emergency centre (we’re told) somewhere in the world (we weren’t told):
Operator: Hi, this is 111 – what’s your emergency?
Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich.
Operator: Excuse me?
Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table, and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Operator: Was anything else taken?
Caller:No, but this has happened to me before and I’m sick and tired of it.
DEAR LANDLORD …
The following excerpts appeared (or so we’ve been led to believe) in genuine emails (or so they reckon) sent to landlords by their tenants:
- “The toilet is blocked and we can’t bath our children until it is cleared.”
- “I am writing on behalf of our kitchen sink, which is running away from the wall.”
- “Will you please send someone to mend our cracked footpath? My wife tripped on it yesterday and is now pregnant.”
- “This is to let you know that there’s a funny smell coming from the man next door.”
- “Our kitchen floor is very damp. We have two children and would like a third. Will you please send someone to do something about it?”
- “I need a man to look at my water – it’s a funny colour and not fit to drink.”
- “You’ve got to come and fix our bath tap. My wife got her toe stuck in it and it’s very uncomfortable for us.”
